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Dating apps tend to get a bad rap. You always hear the detailed horror stories about creepy guys sending unsolicited dick pics after one date, or messaging their matches over and over without receiving one response. But that doesn't mean you can't find a successful relationship on a dating app. Plenty of people have found what they were looking for online, whether that's a life partner or a friend who they also hook up with. Just like with single women, it's difficult to pinpoint what men are looking for on dating apps, because not every guy wants the same thing. It's not fair to assume what any one person is seeking unless you actually ask them — so I did.
From dudes who are looking for 'the one,' to those who just want to have a good time with someone interesting, what single men are looking for on dating apps depends on the specific man. To try and get inside their heads, I spoke to four single guys about why they really use dating apps. Their honest answers actually managed to surprise me. Here's what they each had to say on the subject.
This guy is open to anything, but doesn't expect to find a serious relationship.
I'm open to just about anything. It really depends on the other person. I don't have a lot of faith in finding a serious relationship ... so anything casual or someone to hang and drink with would be lovely. I don't have any expectations so unless they put sex on the table, it's not even in my head, and that takes a lot of pressure off.
— Kevin*, 22
This guy says what he wants can change depending on the person.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I'm looking for, because it constantly changes. Sure, there might be an overall goal of eventually finding a relationship, but each person is different and what I might look for in one person isn't the same as what I'm looking for with somebody else. Sometimes meeting somebody in person makes me realize I want something completely different with her.
— Mark, 25
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This guy feels like being on apps is just part of today's dating culture.
I'm currently not on any dating apps, because I'm in a period of moving and starting a new job, so I'm not looking for any kind of relationship. In the past, I've never used dating apps with the intention of finding something serious, but was always open to something serious happening or developing. Part of being on a dating app was curiosity, and then part of it was feeling like it was just part of being single and in college. It's just part of modern dating culture I suppose. I began to see someone with some seriousness that I had met through [an app], but it ended because it was just the wrong time for me to start a serious relationship — too busy, didn't think I was ready to put in the work a serious relationship would require at that time. I had one long-term, casual relationship through an app that we both agreed wouldn't become serious. It ended when we both graduated from college and went our separate ways. Besides that, a handful of first dates that just didn't work, but some that led to second dates and then didn't work.
— Colin, 23
This guy is mostly looking for interesting conversation.
What am I looking for from dating apps? About 75 percent conversation, 20 percent hookup, and five percent a serious relationship. The conversation lets me know enough, or keeps me entertained. I'm not sure if it's the smartest strategy, but it's what I do. I start enough conversations that it sometimes gets overwhelming, but it's also clear when the interesting, fun people rise to the top.
— Brett*, 26
Before you make assumptions about what someone on a dating app is looking for, consider just asking them to tell you. Share what you're honestly interested in finding as well. The foundation of every good relationship is trust, so why not be truthful from the beginning?
*Name has been changed.
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If you dip your toes into the online dating pool, you may get the following impression:
“On the average dating site, men outnumber women by a large margin.”
Anecdotal evidence would support that first impression but dating site demographics data tell a different story.
Anectdotal Evidence
Based on anecdotes from users of mainstream dating sites:
- women receive 10 to 20 messages a day (with some getting 100 or more)
- men receive 1 response for every 20 to 50 messages sent (!)
This may give the impression that men outnumber women.
Why are women flooded with email? Why do men get so few responses?
Plausible explanations include:
- gender ratio (men outnumber women)
- aggressive “alpha mails” (men who send an email to dozens of women every day)
- players (men who try to juggle several women at a time)
- women who feel that men should always initiate contact
- dating site restrictions (women in free trial can receive messages but must buy subscription to respond)
- dating sites do not delete inactive profiles abandoned by women
Let’s examine gender ratio further using third-party demographic data.
Demographic Data
Quantcast is a media measurement service that calculates and publishes website audience metrics, including demographics. It is a free, third-party service that provides reports on millions of websites. We use Quantcast demographic data throughout GiveYourHandaBreak.com.
Today, we will study the 115 dating sites listed on our Dating Site Gender Distribution page. These sites cover a broad spectrum of categories including general, ethnic, niche, wealthy and 100% free dating sites.
First, let’s look at the gender ratio extremes (maximum and minimum). What dating site has the highest man:woman ratio? What site has the lowest?
| Dating Site | % Male | % Female | Men/Woman | Women/Man |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Source: Quantcast | ||||
| TheAtlasphere.com | 84% | 16% | 5.25 | 0.19 |
| AnimalAttraction.com | 22% | 78% | 0.28 | 3.55 |
This gives us a range of 62%. That’s quite a spread but we need to keep in mind that these are both niche sites with relatively low traffic. If you compare Million Club Dating Sites (visited by more than 1 million people per month) the range drops to about 20%.
Now let’s look at the average gender ratio of all dating sites. As you know, average alone can be misleading.
Let’s say we put 10 people into a room. One of them is Bill Gates. The other nine are office workers who put cover letters on TPS reports. What is the average net worth of everybody in the room? Bill Gates’ net worth for 2008 is $58 billion. The average net worth would be $5.8 billion, even though 9 of the 10 people have a net worth of $100,000 or less.
To get a more accurate picture we need to look at:
- mean (average of all values)
- median (middle value when sorted from lowest to highest)
- mode (most common value)
The table below shows the mean, median and mode for all 115 dating sites:
| Statistic | % Male | % Female |
|---|---|---|
| Mean | 52% | 48% |
| Median | 54% | 46% |
| Mode | 55% | 45% |
The above table only takes into consideration the percent male and percent female for each dating site, not the number of people who visit every month. Some dating sites get visited by 8 million people/month and others only 2,500 people/month. To get a better estimate, we need to factor in the traffic.
Compete triangulates multiple data sources, including ISP, Panel & Toolbar to estimate U.S. traffic. It is a free service that provides traffic information such as unique visitors per month.
We decided to combine Compete.com unique visitor data and Quantcast.com demographics data to estimate the number of U.S. men and women that visit each of the 115 dating sites.
Taking people/month into consideration:
| Statistic | % Male | % Female |
|---|---|---|
| Mean | 50.3% | 49.7% |
| Median | 53.6% | 46.4% |
| Mode | N/A | N/A |
According to Quantcast data:
The internet average is about 50% male and 50% female.
Based on our rough estimates, for online dating as a whole:
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- men do not outnumber women by a significant margin
- online dating average gender distribution ≈ internet average gender distribution
One can also say that for mainstream dating sites:
- men outnumber women by a slight margin
- this margin is not big enough to justify the poor response rates men reported
The poor reponse rates are probably due to one or more of the factors mentioned above. On paid (subscription based) dating sites, site policies may account for most non-responders:
- failure to delete inactive profiles (in order to pad membership numbers)
- communication restrictions (free trial members must buy subscription to respond)
Of course, most paid dating sites will not tell you if the profile you are trying to contact is inactive or a free trial member that cannot respond.
On low-traffic and niche dating sites:
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- gender ratios vary greatly (some as high as 5:1)
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It is for this reason that you should check our Dating Site Gender Distribution page to see if gender odds are working for or against you on niche dating sites.
Related Page:
Dating Site Gender Distribution(http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/gender/)
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Related Site:
Gender Odds: Dating Site Gender Ratios(http://www.genderodds.com/)
Sources:
Demographics by Quantcast(http://www.quantcast.com/)
Web Stats by Compete Site Analytics(http://siteanalytics.compete.com/)
Internal Resources:
TheAtlasphere.com Review(http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/sites/theatlasphere/)
AnimalAttraction.com Review(http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/sites/animalattraction/)
Million Club Dating Sites(http://www.giveyourhandabreak.com/million/)
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External Resources:
TheAtlasphere.com Website(http://theatlasphere.com/)
AnimalAttraction.com Website(http://animalattraction.com/)
How Quantcast Works(http://www.quantcast.com/docs/how-quantcast-works)
Compete Metric Descriptions – Unique Visitors(http://www.compete.com/help/q5)
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